Delight.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.




Thanks, my delight.

Rationale ?

rationale [ˌræʃəˈnɑːl]

n

a reasoned exposition, esp one defining the fundamental reasons for a course of action, belief, etc.

[from New Latin, from Latin ratiōnālis]

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

Courtsey:  http://www.thefreedictionary.com/rationale

The first post in this blog has been made with a purpose in mind. It is made to make "you" think.

Posted at : 7/5/10, 12:16 PM.

There are things that we seek in life. Some of them are rare. Its a pity that sometimes those very things that we would give our life for, go unnoticed/undetected/unappreciated simply because of our inability to remain ourselves in the face of expectations. While all relationships are respectable and invaluable, convictions rank just a notch above all relations, simply since families are too scared to trust just big words in a world full of lies and fear.

It is only the addressee who can judge the honesty of a statement, particularly in such cases. If the decisions were pre-made, its okay; otherwise, it's been an absolute catastrophe. 

Published: July 12, 2010: 12:00 AM.

PS: It is not that I am after you. I would hate to hear that. 

My view is: "I lost a something....or maybe found something in you." .  And that thing seems like life.

And I know it is a little silly since I used to always see foolishness in romanticism....it is that rationality that just went out the window in a jiffy.


Something like: "Hum to hamesha, samajhte the koi hum jaisa haaji hi hoga...." fits too beautifully.

I can't believe that the it went to the extent where the feeling of helplessness and circumstances caused excessive watering of the eyes... All I have to say about the tears is this:


यहाँ सब लोग कहते है मेरी आँखों में आंसू है
जो तू समझे तो मोती है जो ना समझे तो पानी है

And as and when you do realize that I am the one, call me. There is a risk of my dying of happiness, but take the risk anyways.  ;)

I missed you today.

I remember, two years ago, today we exchanged greetings for the day.

I remember that day in happy spirits, and I remember you fondly. And I miss you. Just a bit, but I do.

I love you. Not the way I did a year ago, but a part of me will love you for life.

Jeena, aur ache se, khush jeena.... Baavya :)

I am something else now...someone else now.

And if you're reading this, we'll soon meet.

And you'll find a different Prakash Narayan Pandey, Bhavya. This person won't be mincing words. This guy won't be sorry, and he will mean business. This guy wont expect, but this guy will make you ask yourself questions you never would have.

Prepare well. Its not far.

You will want me

You long for love and fear love itself
You seek freedom and let the world chain you
You seek god and let petty conventions restrain you
You dont know me and think you do

You love an image, I know you do
That one would have color, have style and substance.
But well my love not know you do...
That I have all that and more for you

That I don't seek you is a lie even now
That I dont want you is a silly little untrue vow
But more than anything, what bothers me is the fact
That It seems that you lost the act !

You hide behind god, and behind false art
But one day, the lies will fall apart
And then you'll see, the world is just a little game
And if you don't value love, soon; it'll be time to depart

Tell me when you find him

You are here to please god: Arre pagal what if it does not exist ?

Chalo maan liya ek baar ki hai bhagwan....but he is there in each of us...and you wont have people taking avatar for loving you... it will be someone like me only....only thing is that you may not even have the chance to take your time and decide one day......and you would be married off.

Anyways..... love :) .

बैगन का भर्ता

जब मैं बैगन का भर्ता खाता हूं


तो तुम मुझे याद आती हो


जब मैं जग में पानी भरता हूँ


तो भी दिमाग खराब कर जाती हो हो


इसलिए मैंने भर्ता खाना छॉड.दिया है


सीधे नल से पानी पीना मुश्किल है मगर






जब कभी Delhi 6के गाने सुनता हूँ


वर्तमान में अतीत को ना जाने क्यों दोबारा बुनता हूँ


ना जाने क्यूं मुक्ति के आगे असामान्यता चुनता हूं


अपनी ही भावनाओं को समझना मुश्किल है मगर






जब मैं प्रस्तुतीकरण की तैयारी कर रहा होता हूं


कहीं "Add shapes" में एक आकॄति ढूंढता हूं


न पाता हूं कुछ, न ही खोता हूं


अभी भी घोड़े बेचकर सोता हूं


धुंधले सपनों को संजोना ज़रा मुश्किल है मगर






कभी Mordern art को निगाहों से टटोलता हूं


उन आकॄतियों में मुक्ति की संभावना तोलता हूं


वो बारिश थी, फेवीकोल था, या थी मॄगमरीचिका


न समझ पाता हूं, तो बस डोलता हूं


मन का ठहर जाना, ज़रा मुश्किल है मगर






^^ Just the by product of a contemplative hour that I lived........ Could not finish the stupid thing ...... may do that sometime.....may not ... :-) ...Refinements are obvisouly needed as well.

And you keep at it

I have met people. . . some who know you.....some who do not... and they've wondered what I saw in an otherwise seemingly ordinary girl to get so crazy about you. The girls have told me how jealous they were of you and how awesome this was that I was just so in love. More than just a few have said that I have rekindled their faith in true love. Some actually fell in love with me, it seems.

However, my personal sentiments have been messed up like anything. I seemed to have forgotten what it felt like ........ Way to go my love, you seemed to have succeeded in killing the most tender feeling of my life..... so lovely of you...........just know that if it comes to listening to "god"....one must not forget that "god" communicates every moment a person talks to you. And he said he loved you when I tell you that..... you just could not see it.

Tum nhi samjhogi Baavya.......... and I wish it was okay but it is not.

Dreams are getting eerie

I saw you seeking something from god in my dream today....... and god turned around and started telling me...."Look at her...silly girl.. she can't accept that I do not exist". ...

I was totally flummoxed...did not know what to interpret this as....just posting all that I can recall.


I hope you had not expectations outstanding from the biggest illusion ever created.

What you might want to consider

What will hold you true to your path is your love for the truth, that you are not pushing along merely because you have taken the first step, or have decided upon a certain course of action, but also for the reason that you want to know what is the truth,You make up your own mind first to see if that it was, then rejoice if it is, but if not, accept the truth whole heartedly and try again with greater knowledge and stronger faith.

Love, virtually

I just hold true to one thing in hindsight......and I am pretty sure that I've not loved anything or one as much as I loved you.

And I have to have clarity ........

Each of these things held true.

Some answers are coming....maybe :)

Right now.......I am in the same situation, it seems........ I know that this silly girl is so falling in love with me........ almost exactly like I fell for you.......but I seem to be too heartbroken........additionally I cant feel it for her........ amazingly, despite this craving for love, I don't even want to. Attraction is not a choice, that is something that I know from my studies in human psychology. However, I think I was stupid to not induce love the way I know it can be induced into people.........just that I had to stay on in Ludhiana. Anyways........ Best I can do is to bug you a bit by coming to your continent.

I would not be loving you for sure if you're not who I think you are......so you could have rested assured anyways..........hope you're having a wonderful time wherever you are.

I am what I love

Because it wasn't about you.  It was mine, that love.  I owned it... I am what I love, not what loves me.


I am you....... not an issue if you are not me. But remember, you had a choice. A choice between love and I dont know what . You made your move....I hope the move was in line with your heart and soul.


Be happy. 


:) .


Cheers !

एक दिने जब सवेरे सवेरे

एक दिने जब सवेरे सवेरे, सुरमई की चादर हटा कर

एक परबत के तकिये से , सूरज ने सर जो उठाया, तोह देखा

दिल की वादी में चाहत का मौसम है

और यादों की डालियों पर

अनगिनत बीते लम्हों की कलियाँ महेकने लगी है

अनकही अनसुनी आरजू, आधी सोयी हवी आधी जागी हवी

आंखें मलते हुवे देखती है, लहर डर लहर

मौज डर मौज, बहती हवी ज़िंदगी

जैसे हर एक पल नई है, और फिर भी वही, हाँ, वही ज़िंदगी

जिसके दामन में एक मोहब्बत भी है, कोई हसरत भी है

पास आना भी है, दूर जाना भी है, और ये एहसास है

वक्त झरने सा बहता हुवा, जा रहा है, यह कहता हुवा

दिल की वादी में चाहत का मौसम है

और यादों की डालियों पर

अनगिनत बीते लम्हों की कलियाँ मेहेकने लगी हैं

It was a "friend"

A friend I trusted. I trusted him like anything. So much so that I decided to go "naked" in front of him by telling him about my deepest of emotions and feelings. I chose to lay bare in front of him, the silliest of thought and the tenderest of sentiments that I had developed. I found him to be a close confidante of mine and being in the emotionally charged up state of mind that I was, I told him the link to the blog.I told him that I had been blogging about my sentiments and experiences that I have had associated with yourself, my love.

However, this "friend" apparently did not care enough.

One, all the close friends of him and his room partner (both subscribers to the blog) came to know of it.

Secondly, one girl, a common friend of "her" and this friend was told of this blog by him. She was close enough to go directly to you my love and tell this to you, but if I can assure you, trust me when I say that I did not intend for you to read this blog till then.

I knew what that would have meant to you and how It would have impacted your psyche....it is just that the emotions just made me fly for a short while...I had lost track of life, of time..... of myself....and when It all just seemed to go away, my heart got the better of me.

My sentiments and emotions made me do what I would have otherwise never done. I went ahead and mailed about 6 people about this blog.

I hardly received any acolades from anyone, however you had your bits to say. . . . . did you not.

Just be at peace, not like myself...............love.

Blessings and reminiscences.

On your last birthday, I remember having said that it would not be difficult to remember the other person's birthdays for each of us. For me its still a day I've been conscious of for a week. Its just that love is quite an emotion to contend with.

I just hope you celebrate today with the happiest of emotions. May your life be as bright and cheerful as it gets.

Talking about Diwali.

It is the festival of lights, and I am happy to see the flashes and the colors. I am in love with the world again, I am even finding the other girls to be beautiful after some time….and soon you may become a lost memory. But I would have loved to have my first love fulfilled.
Today is probably however the most unique Diwali’s of my life. I would not be home, and I did it on purpose. I would not want to be home sitting quietly on a Diwali. Its not that I am sad anymore. I am Just a little less than happy.

Hope you find your happiness somewhere down there.
With Love,
Einstein

Gratitude.

I just thought that I wrote all sort of nonsense in this blog but never really expressed any gratitude towards you. Probably my emotions just swept me far enough to forget even that you have been through some turbulence yourself. I know some things have been hard for you and some of them have been directly done by me. However I am so grateful to have known you. Of all things, if there is just one thing that I could do in life, it is to tell you in person that I love you and that I am grateful that you exist. I am utterly thankful for the fact that the almighty* (or whatever it is) made you come into existence and than you became the girl who would take my breath away.

I can only wish you find your own peace, your own happiness, your own truth and most importantly, your own love in life.

And I hope you are strong enough when we meet again.

How will we love ?

The spot

Post my "thing" with you, I really became belligerent with girls...I would not even look at a girl like "that" because of my stupid moral upbringing. And somehow it turned me into something that a lot of girls seem to like a lot. There are about 6 girls who would seem to be eager  to date me but I feel this pain at the soul level it seems. Its almost as if I am cheating her if I go out with her since my heart loves you.  I can not stand that feeling Baa ..... so I stand here, a little wounded, but ready to take the world on.

I stand waiting for you to show up one day and for us to be into a friendship that would last a lifetime, but would probably not marry you. Just because my sentiments have been hurt somehow. Somehow even you could not care to understand just the simple fact that being in love makes us imagine spontaneously...and if I did so, why could it not be treated compassionately.

I still give you the benefit of doubt based on the fact that you might have been told to do a few things, but you are an adult with free will, If I can chose not to try to be manipulative to get your love, I feel I deserve to expect free thinking from your end too.

If someone loves you, the last thing to do is to run away. Maybe its okay to do so if the guy wants to get you ...but I just love you. just love you.

I hope Australia is all hale and hearty for you.  (Its my presumption.) Dont feel alone and may you be loved like you deserve to be.

PS: I love you.