जिस जिससे पथ पर स्नेह मिला
उस उस राही को धन्यवाद ।
जीवन अस्थिर अनजाने ही
हो जाता पथ पर मेल कहीं
सीमित पग-डग, लम्बी मंज़िल
तय कर लेना कुछ खेल नहीं
दाएँ-बाएँ सुख-दुख चलते
सम्मुख चलता पथ का प्रमाद
जिस जिससे पथ पर स्नेह मिला
उस उस राही को धन्यवाद ।
साँसों पर अवलम्बित काया
जब चलते-चलते चूर हुई
दो स्नेह-शब्द मिल गए, मिली
नव स्फूर्ति थकावट दूर हुई
पथ के पहचाने छूट गए
पर साथ-साथ चल रही याद
जिस जिससे पथ पर स्नेह मिला
उस उस राही को धन्यवाद ।
जो साथ न मेरा दे पाए
उनसे कब सूनी हुई डगर
मैं भी न चलूँ यदि तो भी क्या
राही मर लेकिन राह अमर
इस पथ पर वे ही चलते हैं
जो चलने का पा गए स्वाद
जिस जिससे पथ पर स्नेह मिला
उस उस राही को धन्यवाद ।
कैसे चल पाता यदि न मिला
होता मुझको आकुल-अन्तर
कैसे चल पाता यदि मिलते
चिर-तृप्ति अमरता-पूर्ण प्रहर
आभारी हूँ मैं उन सबका
दे गए व्यथा का जो प्रसाद
जिस जिससे पथ पर स्नेह मिला
उस उस राही को धन्यवाद ।
Posted: 6/8/10 , 1:53 AM
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wish I had no heart.
Oh gene, is it thy need ?
That makes my heart, bleed.
Or soul do you exist ?
To make us with love, persist .
What makes us swell with joy;
And subsequently, cry
And makes us somehow feel
That love can please, can heal ?
Why memories just would linger;
Of joy and sorrrow, bringer...
who holds the treacherous twine
who chose the pain to be mine ?
Who makes me see that only
feel in crowds, lonely
No logic to it, no art;
And so I wish, that I had no heart.
Posted: 5/18/10, 6:49 PM
_______________________________
That makes my heart, bleed.
Or soul do you exist ?
To make us with love, persist .
What makes us swell with joy;
And subsequently, cry
And makes us somehow feel
That love can please, can heal ?
Why memories just would linger;
Of joy and sorrrow, bringer...
who holds the treacherous twine
who chose the pain to be mine ?
Who makes me see that only
feel in crowds, lonely
No logic to it, no art;
And so I wish, that I had no heart.
Posted: 5/18/10, 6:49 PM
_______________________________
From the flight.
I think of you as I fly
Above the white clouds, so high.
As my tears run dry…
All I ask, Is why ?
The plane soars, on it wings,
The pace is big, zings….
Did what I could, me thinks..
Yet why the heart stings?
The way I think, I do,
And feel this love for you….
I’ve found far between and few
To love is impossible, anew.
Now all I seek is peace…
Content with own, to each…
My love, you’re not in reach..
Forgetting is harder done than preached.
What I still can’t understand
As the plane banks, grand !!
Your love, I didn’t even demand
And yet, you declared: “The end”
I think of you as I fly..
As wisps of cloud go by…
Tears not yet fully dry..
And still the question, why ?
_____________________________
"Whoso loves, believes the impossible." - Elizabeth Barrett
Amen to the thought. :-)
Posted: May 9th, 2010
Above the white clouds, so high.
As my tears run dry…
All I ask, Is why ?
The plane soars, on it wings,
The pace is big, zings….
Did what I could, me thinks..
Yet why the heart stings?
The way I think, I do,
And feel this love for you….
I’ve found far between and few
To love is impossible, anew.
Now all I seek is peace…
Content with own, to each…
My love, you’re not in reach..
Forgetting is harder done than preached.
What I still can’t understand
As the plane banks, grand !!
Your love, I didn’t even demand
And yet, you declared: “The end”
I think of you as I fly..
As wisps of cloud go by…
Tears not yet fully dry..
And still the question, why ?
_____________________________
"Whoso loves, believes the impossible." - Elizabeth Barrett
Amen to the thought. :-)
Posted: May 9th, 2010
Just some random thoughts.
Chup to reh jaate hum taumr ke tamasha na bane
Haan magar sach ye hai ki duniya ki wo azmat hi nahi...
Jin riwazon, or rasmon ke liye khaamoshi
Aise kufron ki to is dil me izzat hi nahi.
Dosh tera nahi maaloom hai humko e dost,
Bas ye afsos ke khud ko kabhi becha hi nahi.
Agar jo seekhta mai is jahaan ke rasmo rivaaz
Ghaliban aaj ke din hote tum kareeb kahin
Na hi gussa hai na hai insaan se nafrat mujhko
par is jahaan me adarsh ki keemat hi kahaan
Agar kitabon ko chod dein to sach hai ye meri jaan
Ke imtehaan to oopar se hi leta hai jahaan
Ke is kadar hum haare ke haar ban gae hum
Jo jeet bhi gae hote ko kya kar lete,
Yuhi zindagi ke chaar pal hamare agar
Hansi khushi se yu humsafar guzar lete
Nahi mila jo tu iska hume malal nahi,
Sawal ye magar, ke kyun ka bhi gumaan nahi
Ye sab adarsh jo kitabon me humne seekhe
Besharm duniya me unka koi sammaan nahi.
Hum to chutiye the pyaar paane nikle the,
Magar khade hain raah me liye teri yaadein
Kabhi samay mile to soch bhi lena ke magar
Kya or chahie ho hum de nahi paate ?
_______________________________________
Disclaimer: It is not meant to be even a decent shayari, so pardon me. I just intended to express myself.One expletive is used but it is not considered to be an expletive at all at the place where I belong to.
Haan magar sach ye hai ki duniya ki wo azmat hi nahi...
Jin riwazon, or rasmon ke liye khaamoshi
Aise kufron ki to is dil me izzat hi nahi.
Dosh tera nahi maaloom hai humko e dost,
Bas ye afsos ke khud ko kabhi becha hi nahi.
Agar jo seekhta mai is jahaan ke rasmo rivaaz
Ghaliban aaj ke din hote tum kareeb kahin
Na hi gussa hai na hai insaan se nafrat mujhko
par is jahaan me adarsh ki keemat hi kahaan
Agar kitabon ko chod dein to sach hai ye meri jaan
Ke imtehaan to oopar se hi leta hai jahaan
Ke is kadar hum haare ke haar ban gae hum
Jo jeet bhi gae hote ko kya kar lete,
Yuhi zindagi ke chaar pal hamare agar
Hansi khushi se yu humsafar guzar lete
Nahi mila jo tu iska hume malal nahi,
Sawal ye magar, ke kyun ka bhi gumaan nahi
Ye sab adarsh jo kitabon me humne seekhe
Besharm duniya me unka koi sammaan nahi.
Hum to chutiye the pyaar paane nikle the,
Magar khade hain raah me liye teri yaadein
Kabhi samay mile to soch bhi lena ke magar
Kya or chahie ho hum de nahi paate ?
_______________________________________
Disclaimer: It is not meant to be even a decent shayari, so pardon me. I just intended to express myself.One expletive is used but it is not considered to be an expletive at all at the place where I belong to.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Objectivism applied to the scenario
Being a fan of Ayn Rand, I thought that I would be purely objective about the issue and not account for my gut or intuitive feelings.
My thoughts are:
1. Some of my friends, who've "been with" many girls/womes go to the extent of saying that all girls have an element of a "*****" in them. I never really paid heed to them before. I believe that as soon as love becomes a "take and give" thing, it becomes an arrangement...the same as in the case of a "*****". It is interesting that most women do "need things/sentiments/emotions before they can love".
Of all people, if you did this; All that that has done is that it has made me certain that thea of women being all gentle and sensitive and caring is a fallacy.
Women have increasingly turned masculine. Men are majorly responsible for it as well. It is stupid to overvalue women just by falling for the "one love" logic. It (the one love idea) gives unwarranted leverage to the females.
I can't believe that I have been living through a false idea forever. There is no logical reason for a man to live his life with just one, two, three or for that matter any number of women. The male is logically entitled to look to maximise his opportunities ....as "The selfish gene" by Richard Dawkins puts it: A male must ensure that his gene gets as many replicas as possible. According to him, that is the only reason that makes us feel the need for association with the opposite sex.
I have written what I have from a purely objectivist point of view, and that is not my personal opinion. As an objectivist, I can appreciate that emotions are useless, but the person in myself still sees value in the girl that he loves.
The idea needs to be basically uprooted from my psyche. Its just a predator-prey relationship that the opposite sexes seem to have, the only difference being that both sides are under the delusion of their own version of morality mostly.
My thoughts are:
1. Some of my friends, who've "been with" many girls/womes go to the extent of saying that all girls have an element of a "*****" in them. I never really paid heed to them before. I believe that as soon as love becomes a "take and give" thing, it becomes an arrangement...the same as in the case of a "*****". It is interesting that most women do "need things/sentiments/emotions before they can love".
Of all people, if you did this; All that that has done is that it has made me certain that thea of women being all gentle and sensitive and caring is a fallacy.
Women have increasingly turned masculine. Men are majorly responsible for it as well. It is stupid to overvalue women just by falling for the "one love" logic. It (the one love idea) gives unwarranted leverage to the females.
I can't believe that I have been living through a false idea forever. There is no logical reason for a man to live his life with just one, two, three or for that matter any number of women. The male is logically entitled to look to maximise his opportunities ....as "The selfish gene" by Richard Dawkins puts it: A male must ensure that his gene gets as many replicas as possible. According to him, that is the only reason that makes us feel the need for association with the opposite sex.
I have written what I have from a purely objectivist point of view, and that is not my personal opinion. As an objectivist, I can appreciate that emotions are useless, but the person in myself still sees value in the girl that he loves.
The idea needs to be basically uprooted from my psyche. Its just a predator-prey relationship that the opposite sexes seem to have, the only difference being that both sides are under the delusion of their own version of morality mostly.
Expressions.
I was just trying to imagine the kind of image that I would have in the eyes of her family members. I do not know how much they know, I do not expect them to be sympathetic though. I do not expect them to understand, most definitely not the brother, who is in the most sensitive position, considering his age and all. I presume that I must be being referred as the “lafanga” or the “loafer” or something of that sort…. I have seen the same being done to a guy by my mother’s family in her native place. I never quite understood why they started hateing that guy so much for loving my maasi (mother's sister). Just because he told that he loved her, he was suddenly a loafer and what not (and before that he used to be very close to our family.) So that is as hypocritical as people get. No surprise for me if the kind of adjectives would be being used for myself.
Again, for me, what matters most is that my conscience stays clear, and that it is. I am proud of myself and for the fact that I truly loved this girl and went ahead with the expression in the most plain possible way. I went on with the sentiments and all only later. I never wanted to manipulate or pressure or "trick" her into loving me and did not. I believed that she somehow was looking for this elusive idea of “true love”. Looking for the same myself, I just had to look to help both of us, right ?
I know that she will probably never read this. I imagine that she has probably been conditioned and "poisoned" against me enough that she would not care even one bit, but the fact remains that she remains obliged to respond to the questions that I have for her.
And these answers are not to be given as much through words as through deeds.
Questions: Why no response to my love ?
Questions: Why fear from love?
Question: Why run away from love?
Question: Why stop talking because I love you? Because I care for you more than the world (except my family members, off course).
Question: Why say “sorry” and not “thank you” ?
Question: Why say “bhool jaao” ?
Question: Why so serious ? :P (okay that was my way of being funny while imitating Heath Ledger)
Question: How much more love can you get in this world …. If for once, you face the fact that this guy from 2000 Kilometers away has travelled 10000 kilometers just for a word with you…just for a sight of you…just for a little sound from your vocal chord to hit his eardrums :P …. You would know that this is just what you might end up seeking for the rest of your life.
I have been with guys….thousands of them….and I hope I find someone soon who is worthy of loving you. I am sure I must not be, but none else has really matched my moral standards… but again, our moral standards may be different.
Maybe a more “Imran Khan” lookalike guy would suit you better….. but maybe looks would matter only for the first few months … and maybe he would still love you the way I would have…..may it happen….but better yet, May you realize what I am …and that I am here with my conscience intact.
I stand my ground when I say that I love you, and god willing, I shall one day come to your father for your hand, that is for sure.
May god (if it exists) grant me the strength for becoming capable enough.
May it grant me the strength to face my fears and sorrows, as and when I am faced with them.
May it keep you happy, and help you see me for what I am.
Amen.
Again, for me, what matters most is that my conscience stays clear, and that it is. I am proud of myself and for the fact that I truly loved this girl and went ahead with the expression in the most plain possible way. I went on with the sentiments and all only later. I never wanted to manipulate or pressure or "trick" her into loving me and did not. I believed that she somehow was looking for this elusive idea of “true love”. Looking for the same myself, I just had to look to help both of us, right ?
I know that she will probably never read this. I imagine that she has probably been conditioned and "poisoned" against me enough that she would not care even one bit, but the fact remains that she remains obliged to respond to the questions that I have for her.
And these answers are not to be given as much through words as through deeds.
Questions: Why no response to my love ?
Questions: Why fear from love?
Question: Why run away from love?
Question: Why stop talking because I love you? Because I care for you more than the world (except my family members, off course).
Question: Why say “sorry” and not “thank you” ?
Question: Why say “bhool jaao” ?
Question: Why so serious ? :P (okay that was my way of being funny while imitating Heath Ledger)
Question: How much more love can you get in this world …. If for once, you face the fact that this guy from 2000 Kilometers away has travelled 10000 kilometers just for a word with you…just for a sight of you…just for a little sound from your vocal chord to hit his eardrums :P …. You would know that this is just what you might end up seeking for the rest of your life.
I have been with guys….thousands of them….and I hope I find someone soon who is worthy of loving you. I am sure I must not be, but none else has really matched my moral standards… but again, our moral standards may be different.
Maybe a more “Imran Khan” lookalike guy would suit you better….. but maybe looks would matter only for the first few months … and maybe he would still love you the way I would have…..may it happen….but better yet, May you realize what I am …and that I am here with my conscience intact.
I stand my ground when I say that I love you, and god willing, I shall one day come to your father for your hand, that is for sure.
May god (if it exists) grant me the strength for becoming capable enough.
May it grant me the strength to face my fears and sorrows, as and when I am faced with them.
May it keep you happy, and help you see me for what I am.
Amen.
Nahi milte yahan ehsaas nibhaane wale.
Samandar ke kinare hum the der tak lekin
Use to do bund pilana bhi gavara na hua.
Mareinge pyaas me hum, gum nahi iska humko
Unhe to aankh milana bhi gavara na hua.
Badi talaash se paaya tha aapko humne,
Ba-intezaam ye tumko jatayaa humne
Agar wo behaya hote to dard na hota
Magar jo hai nahin, wo usme, gavara na hua.
Ye to maana ke mohabbat nahi karna humse
magar ye baat yaad rakh sako to rakh lena
Kabhi jo ishq kisi se karna, meri jaan
Ummidein apne dilo-jaan me na palne dena
Hazar khwahishein hain aisi jo na poori hongi
Hazaar sapne bhi aise hai jo toote honge,
Magar sukoon hai ke tum jaante to ho ke yahaan
Teri yaadon ke sahare hi jee rahe honge.
Bas ek sawal hai jo beqaraar karta hai
Kabhi kisi se koi yu iqraar karta hai
Koi jazbaat to dil me tere uthe honge
Aji ye pyar hi tha, alaan e jung tha to nahi
Jo dil sawaal kare dil jawaab deta hai
Tum kya samjhoge a dimag ki sunne wale
Kabhi hum bhi aise the, yaqinan meri jaan
Magar ye pyar ne saare samaan badal dale.
Ye faisla ke lab nahi kholeinge kabhi
Badi mushkil se lagta hai ke liya hoga
Magar khayaal ho kahin kisi insaan ke liye,
yehi ek faisla taaumr ki saza hoga.
Jaa rahe the tum mod ke mu humse magar
Kadam ko har kisi yu foonk ke rakha hoga
Khade the hum to wahi raah me ek arse tak
Kabhi dobara tumne gaur na kiya hoga.
Bade gamo se nikal ke thi shayari seekhi
Mile na tum to kya, apni koi aukaat nahi.
Kabhi jo dil ki samajhna to baat kar lena
Magar ehsaan na karna, ye sahi baat nahi
Umar ka raasta lamba hai, mod aaya tha,
Aji aasaani se muh mod ke jaane wale
Jo mud ke dekhte agar to ilm ho jaata
Nahi milte yahan ehsaas nibhaane wale.
Use to do bund pilana bhi gavara na hua.
Mareinge pyaas me hum, gum nahi iska humko
Unhe to aankh milana bhi gavara na hua.
Badi talaash se paaya tha aapko humne,
Ba-intezaam ye tumko jatayaa humne
Agar wo behaya hote to dard na hota
Magar jo hai nahin, wo usme, gavara na hua.
Ye to maana ke mohabbat nahi karna humse
magar ye baat yaad rakh sako to rakh lena
Kabhi jo ishq kisi se karna, meri jaan
Ummidein apne dilo-jaan me na palne dena
Hazar khwahishein hain aisi jo na poori hongi
Hazaar sapne bhi aise hai jo toote honge,
Magar sukoon hai ke tum jaante to ho ke yahaan
Teri yaadon ke sahare hi jee rahe honge.
Bas ek sawal hai jo beqaraar karta hai
Kabhi kisi se koi yu iqraar karta hai
Koi jazbaat to dil me tere uthe honge
Aji ye pyar hi tha, alaan e jung tha to nahi
Jo dil sawaal kare dil jawaab deta hai
Tum kya samjhoge a dimag ki sunne wale
Kabhi hum bhi aise the, yaqinan meri jaan
Magar ye pyar ne saare samaan badal dale.
Ye faisla ke lab nahi kholeinge kabhi
Badi mushkil se lagta hai ke liya hoga
Magar khayaal ho kahin kisi insaan ke liye,
yehi ek faisla taaumr ki saza hoga.
Jaa rahe the tum mod ke mu humse magar
Kadam ko har kisi yu foonk ke rakha hoga
Khade the hum to wahi raah me ek arse tak
Kabhi dobara tumne gaur na kiya hoga.
Bade gamo se nikal ke thi shayari seekhi
Mile na tum to kya, apni koi aukaat nahi.
Kabhi jo dil ki samajhna to baat kar lena
Magar ehsaan na karna, ye sahi baat nahi
Umar ka raasta lamba hai, mod aaya tha,
Aji aasaani se muh mod ke jaane wale
Jo mud ke dekhte agar to ilm ho jaata
Nahi milte yahan ehsaas nibhaane wale.
Friday, July 23, 2010
And maybe...just maybe I overvalue myself.
I thought that a human life is invaluable... precious..priceless...but then maybe I just do not matter enough. Not to her and most definitely not to anyone in her family.
Human beings will hopefully, one day actually start to care for others beyond just the ones they've known for their lives.....that day will mark the end of wars, fights and nation states as we know them.
On a strange but true note: I almost envy "Million" .
Human beings will hopefully, one day actually start to care for others beyond just the ones they've known for their lives.....that day will mark the end of wars, fights and nation states as we know them.
On a strange but true note: I almost envy "Million" .
A bit about myself and my state of mind
Sometimes, when I am in the intellectual garb of mine, I talk about how emotions are futile creations of our mind. I talk about how emotions make people do the needless and work at less than their peak potential. However, I find myself in exactly the same state.
This has Some solutions.
1. Either I try to convince my emotional self (usually referred to as the "heart") that love is an illusion,which would mean that I would not even look to love anyone on earth. However, the very convincing is practically impossible.
2. Or, I Try to induce anger in me.....to be angry at her inability to appreciate my sentiments....but something within me knows that she understands. Only that she can't reciprocate, and for some weird reason feels difficult to interact post the "iqraar" :) .
3. Or, I turn into the flashy guys....do a bit of bodybuilding , wear flashy stuff and play with the "bitches" as they call them..... but then that is not who I am from within.... so again a no go.
4. Another solution: I wait till I can get over her memories (limited) . But for now the love seems to be too ingrained in me....alsmot as if my soul seeks her company. I can't understand what issues one can have in being friends ... platonic friends forever....
Like Greenspan and Ayn Rand.
5. The most beautiful thing possible is if she reads this and can begin to love me. The love that I seek is what I have already spelled out. Its purely the person called ********** whom I love and her goodness. I did not have a choice in loving her....and I don't se a choice in stopping that.
It is not a switch to turn on and off.
6. Even more beautiful would be if her parents would read it and understand. I don't really expect them to, considering the society that we live in, but if that happens, I would be the happiest soul on the planet.
This has Some solutions.
1. Either I try to convince my emotional self (usually referred to as the "heart") that love is an illusion,which would mean that I would not even look to love anyone on earth. However, the very convincing is practically impossible.
2. Or, I Try to induce anger in me.....to be angry at her inability to appreciate my sentiments....but something within me knows that she understands. Only that she can't reciprocate, and for some weird reason feels difficult to interact post the "iqraar" :) .
3. Or, I turn into the flashy guys....do a bit of bodybuilding , wear flashy stuff and play with the "bitches" as they call them..... but then that is not who I am from within.... so again a no go.
4. Another solution: I wait till I can get over her memories (limited) . But for now the love seems to be too ingrained in me....alsmot as if my soul seeks her company. I can't understand what issues one can have in being friends ... platonic friends forever....
Like Greenspan and Ayn Rand.
5. The most beautiful thing possible is if she reads this and can begin to love me. The love that I seek is what I have already spelled out. Its purely the person called ********** whom I love and her goodness. I did not have a choice in loving her....and I don't se a choice in stopping that.
It is not a switch to turn on and off.
6. Even more beautiful would be if her parents would read it and understand. I don't really expect them to, considering the society that we live in, but if that happens, I would be the happiest soul on the planet.
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