Gratitude.

I just thought that I wrote all sort of nonsense in this blog but never really expressed any gratitude towards you. Probably my emotions just swept me far enough to forget even that you have been through some turbulence yourself. I know some things have been hard for you and some of them have been directly done by me. However I am so grateful to have known you. Of all things, if there is just one thing that I could do in life, it is to tell you in person that I love you and that I am grateful that you exist. I am utterly thankful for the fact that the almighty* (or whatever it is) made you come into existence and than you became the girl who would take my breath away.

I can only wish you find your own peace, your own happiness, your own truth and most importantly, your own love in life.

And I hope you are strong enough when we meet again.

How will we love ?

The spot

Post my "thing" with you, I really became belligerent with girls...I would not even look at a girl like "that" because of my stupid moral upbringing. And somehow it turned me into something that a lot of girls seem to like a lot. There are about 6 girls who would seem to be eager  to date me but I feel this pain at the soul level it seems. Its almost as if I am cheating her if I go out with her since my heart loves you.  I can not stand that feeling Baa ..... so I stand here, a little wounded, but ready to take the world on.

I stand waiting for you to show up one day and for us to be into a friendship that would last a lifetime, but would probably not marry you. Just because my sentiments have been hurt somehow. Somehow even you could not care to understand just the simple fact that being in love makes us imagine spontaneously...and if I did so, why could it not be treated compassionately.

I still give you the benefit of doubt based on the fact that you might have been told to do a few things, but you are an adult with free will, If I can chose not to try to be manipulative to get your love, I feel I deserve to expect free thinking from your end too.

If someone loves you, the last thing to do is to run away. Maybe its okay to do so if the guy wants to get you ...but I just love you. just love you.

I hope Australia is all hale and hearty for you.  (Its my presumption.) Dont feel alone and may you be loved like you deserve to be.

PS: I love you.

The land of the Kangaroo

And off to a soil unknown
Whether on purpose, or thrown
I seek you, my love on and on
For the feelings my heart might have grown

I exist not to love, but love you I do
What in millions was not, I saw in just you
If this has to be destiny, let solitary be my view
But i'm an true to my heart, let mind stand askew.

Not knowing.

I would give up everything for one moment with you, for that one moment would be better than a life time of not knowing.


(Well not quite everything to be honest, but almost.)

Strangeness

You will meet gazillions of people, and I am sure 90 to 95% of them would be happy to be in love with you. So it is obviously not possible for you to possibly accommodate everyone. However, I just wonder how many would begin to feel and express love from across 1500 kilometers. How many would travel despite being out of cash in a city like Mumbai just for a glance that never will be. How many would want to be in touch despite what all has happened ? How many would not want to get you. How many, if any would love you so much ?



When would you understand that this is just a little .....ummmmm shall we say, "different" ?   :)

I hope its in this lifetime, because there may not be a soul that lives on to meet up and talk later post our lives...and I don't want to let the most precious feelings of my life go unfelt by the one whom they were towards.

How to become a materialist

Looking to be one.....and if successful, I shall one day write a book on the topic.

And that shall definitely help a lot of people who might suffer heartbreak.

Amen.

Sillified.

There are these girls .......some of them quite beautiful......some just hot.........some witty .........I have opened up enough to them and I somehow seem to be interesting to them........... I seem to be good at getting them to talk for sure......and yet nothing seems to make sense.

When it comes to the idea of trying to think of love, of being with one of them for my life, my indoctrination makes me think of this one girl..........of you silly.

And I would just go silent.

Silence teaches many things ...... I never knew that till I loved you. And the silly thing is that maybe I did not even love you.....maybe it was just an imagination of who you were (As you have said) but well, I am in this silly condition nonetheless.

Wonder if anyone (you) reads this blog anymore or not.

However, work wise, I am considering quitting on my company post the completion of my analyst program and going for the IAS exam.

Lets see how it goes. For now, mergers and acquisitions hold the key. Got to study but I am too silly to study now I guess. What say ?

Is it such a big deal really ?

It really is not...but for the emotions. And they strangely were just on my side. So I must own up responsibility for this mess. And I do.

I continue to have a few questions which I would have to wait with for a few decades now for sure. It should not have been so difficult though but anyways I hope I can someday get to have a life beyond you. Free of any imaginations that I might have conjured up.