Have I been selfish ?

I have been thinking if I have been selfish. If I have been so lost in my pain and sorrow that I ended up hurting my love..... maybe I need to look at the situation from her point of view as well. Since I have no answers, I shall in time try to look at things from her perspective (as I can best judge it) and post here.

This blog was never meant to be read by the one that It is about, but somehow somebody just managed to break my trust. I must say it was disappointing to say the least. Anyways, Now I hope that she does read this. I have been writing everyday. Whenever I feel the need to talk to her, to say anything, to complaint etc, I write ...errrr...type....and then remove all direct references to her and finally post it here.

So much that I have felt for her despite what I have been dished out, I want her to know this since she must. Since this is one human completely in love with another and no reason exists to look down on this feeling.

I LOVE YOU GIRL. EVEN IF I AM SLIGHTLY ANGRY, I LOVE YOU.

पगली लड़की :)

Pagli Ladki


Mawas ki kaali raaton mein dil ka darwaja khulta hai,
Jab dard ki pyaali raaton mein gam ansoon ke sang hote hain,
Jab pichwade ke kamre mein hum nipat akele hote hain,
Jab ghadiyan tik-tik chalti hain, sab sote hain, hum rote hain,
Jab baar baar dohrane se saari yaadein chuk jaati hain,
Jab unch-neech samjhane mein mathe ki nas dukh jaati hain,
Tab ek pagli ladki ke bin jeena gaddari lagta hai,
Aur us pagli ladki ke bin marna bhi bhari lagta hai.


Jab pothe khali hote hain, jab har sawali hote hain,
Jab gazlen raas nahin aatin, afsane gaali hote hain.
Jab baasi feeki dhoop sametein din jaldi dhal jaata hai,
Jab suraj ka laskhar chhat se galiyon mein der se jaata hai,
Jab jaldi ghar jaane ki ichha mann hi mann ghut jaati hai,
Jab college se ghar laane waali pahli bus chhut jaati hai,
Jab beman se khaana khaane par maa gussa ho jaati hai,
Jab lakh mana karne par bhi paaro padhne aa jaati hai,
Jab apna har manchaha kaam koi lachari lagta hai,
Tab ek pagli ladki ke bin jeena gaddari lagta hai,
Aur us pagli ladki ke bin marna bhi bhari lagta hai.


Jab kamre mein sannate ki awaj sunai deti hai,
Jab darpan mein aankhon ke neeche jhai dikhai deti hai,
Jab badki bhabhi kahti hain, kuchh sehat ka bhi dhyan karo,
Kya likhte ho dinbhar, kuchh sapnon ka bhi samman karo,
Jab baba waali baithak mein kuchh rishte waale aate hain,
Jab baba humein bulate hain, hum jaate hain, ghabrate hain,
Jab saari pahne ek ladki ka ek photo laya jaata hai,
Jab bhabhi humein manati hain, photo dikhlaya jaata hai,
Jab saare ghar ka samjhana humko fankari lagta hai,
Tab ek pagli ladki ke bin jeena gaddari lagta hai,
Aur us pagli ladki ke bin marna bhi bhari lagta hai.


Didi kahti hain us pagli ladki ki kuchh aukat nahin,
Uske dil mein bhaiya tere jaise pyare jasbat nahin,
Woh pagli ladki nau din mere liye bhooki rahti hai,
Chup-chup saare vrat karti hai, par mujhse kabhi na kahti hai,
Jo pagli ladki kahti hai, main pyar tumhi se karti hoon,
Lekin mein hoon majboor bahut, amma-baba se darti hoon,
Us pagli ladki par apna kuchh adhikar nahin baba,
Yeh katha-kahani kisse hain, kuchh bhi to saar nahin baba,
Bas us pagli ladki ke sang jeena fulwari lagta hai,
Aur us pagli ladki ke bhin marna bhi bhari lagta hai.

~ Dr Kumar Viswas (At Moksha'04, NSIT)