That night was a little tough on me....I had just mailed my blunt expression of love to her.... I felt like a thousand butterflies in my stomach....the feeling was like I was someone accused of murder awaiting judgement. Time would tell that I was about to have the experience of my life. My heart felt like the bird which just learnt how to fly.....it was beating like anythinng... the world seemed to have been reduced to just one person. And believe it or not, at the back of my mind, at that time, I could not even remember how she looked like. It was just the person inside that just awed me ...somehow.
From our exchanges in the past, I had concluded that she and I had the same outlook on many things....only difference being that I was an objectivist and always overruled my heart's say with the logical dictat of the mind. She however would always talk sentimentally about a lot of things ........I got particularly awed by her strong sense of conviction about moralities which I used to have. I obviously liked her approach towards people and the strength of her character....that made me feel increasingly drawn towards her.
A few chat sessions were just enough I guess......then I talked to a few friends about it, who obviously told me to say it to her....and I was feeling week in the heart and the knees.....could just not say it to her for a loooong time....then finally instead of calling and telling her (which appeared daunting enough), I decided to just write an email....And looking back at it, expression of love has to be an emotional message....I wonder why I kept it dry and simple under the ideal of being non influencial .....So silly of me.
Anyways...whaat transpired after that is not what I can share....all that I can is that I was rejected by her...maybe I would not look like a good match with her.....maybe ...but maybe we would have spent a life full of joy. Who really knows.... what I do know however is that every single day, I have thought of her in some way..........and I could not find one way to console myself... I do not find any flaw with her stand either...what is sad for me however is that she did not care even enough to decide to help me through this phase with some form of emotional support.... But then that was her call...maybe she herself was bothered.....I just do not know....and she would not tell.....I know her enough to tell that it is not her decision to not talk, and that bothers me beyond all limits.
