I thought that a human life is invaluable... precious..priceless...but then maybe I just do not matter enough. Not to her and most definitely not to anyone in her family.
Human beings will hopefully, one day actually start to care for others beyond just the ones they've known for their lives.....that day will mark the end of wars, fights and nation states as we know them.
On a strange but true note: I almost envy "Million" .
Friday, July 23, 2010
A bit about myself and my state of mind
Sometimes, when I am in the intellectual garb of mine, I talk about how emotions are futile creations of our mind. I talk about how emotions make people do the needless and work at less than their peak potential. However, I find myself in exactly the same state.
This has Some solutions.
1. Either I try to convince my emotional self (usually referred to as the "heart") that love is an illusion,which would mean that I would not even look to love anyone on earth. However, the very convincing is practically impossible.
2. Or, I Try to induce anger in me.....to be angry at her inability to appreciate my sentiments....but something within me knows that she understands. Only that she can't reciprocate, and for some weird reason feels difficult to interact post the "iqraar" :) .
3. Or, I turn into the flashy guys....do a bit of bodybuilding , wear flashy stuff and play with the "bitches" as they call them..... but then that is not who I am from within.... so again a no go.
4. Another solution: I wait till I can get over her memories (limited) . But for now the love seems to be too ingrained in me....alsmot as if my soul seeks her company. I can't understand what issues one can have in being friends ... platonic friends forever....
Like Greenspan and Ayn Rand.
5. The most beautiful thing possible is if she reads this and can begin to love me. The love that I seek is what I have already spelled out. Its purely the person called ********** whom I love and her goodness. I did not have a choice in loving her....and I don't se a choice in stopping that.
It is not a switch to turn on and off.
6. Even more beautiful would be if her parents would read it and understand. I don't really expect them to, considering the society that we live in, but if that happens, I would be the happiest soul on the planet.
This has Some solutions.
1. Either I try to convince my emotional self (usually referred to as the "heart") that love is an illusion,which would mean that I would not even look to love anyone on earth. However, the very convincing is practically impossible.
2. Or, I Try to induce anger in me.....to be angry at her inability to appreciate my sentiments....but something within me knows that she understands. Only that she can't reciprocate, and for some weird reason feels difficult to interact post the "iqraar" :) .
3. Or, I turn into the flashy guys....do a bit of bodybuilding , wear flashy stuff and play with the "bitches" as they call them..... but then that is not who I am from within.... so again a no go.
4. Another solution: I wait till I can get over her memories (limited) . But for now the love seems to be too ingrained in me....alsmot as if my soul seeks her company. I can't understand what issues one can have in being friends ... platonic friends forever....
Like Greenspan and Ayn Rand.
5. The most beautiful thing possible is if she reads this and can begin to love me. The love that I seek is what I have already spelled out. Its purely the person called ********** whom I love and her goodness. I did not have a choice in loving her....and I don't se a choice in stopping that.
It is not a switch to turn on and off.
6. Even more beautiful would be if her parents would read it and understand. I don't really expect them to, considering the society that we live in, but if that happens, I would be the happiest soul on the planet.
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