The curse worthy scum of the earth speaks

I hope to be great one day. That day however does not look like today . :D

And I thought: Love conquers all.

Well the title says it all, doesn't it?

Well, not quite. The much celebrated lie that keeps being talked about in the media has a point after all. My sentiments completely conquered my mind. I was reduced to someone who could feel nothing but one sentiment. I would struggle with my own self rather than an external issue.

I would see life in her. Silly it is. But the hormones/soul certainly do/does give(s) you a strange high. I have never been high before and trust me, it was almost as if I was not present on the face of the earth. I was flying of sorts.

And then the wings got clipped. But it is okay. I don't think I had the pilot's licence anyways..... I was too ugly for that I guess. And love it seems is for the hunks with a heart, not for the philosopher guy with a fat nose.Most definitely not.

However honest I became, However "naked" I became to her, she could not fathom the gravity of the situation for me, and potentially for her. For her sake, I just hope that I was not the one that she had longed for. The only thing is that I dont understand how anyone could love her more and more unconditionally than I did. But maybe there are idealist hunks in this world. And maybe they will have the "approval" from the "authorities" as well.

May god* be with you my love.

* : I do not believe in an consciously active god, however the universe itself (nature if you like) is what I normally mean when I say "God" .

Some more introspection.

If at all I had to love someone, I could have easily chosen someone from Mumbai. If only I had the choice. My choice was already made.

It made me come to the strange conclusion that love is not a choice that we make. Its something which just happens before you know it. And then the world is the most beautiful place to be in. Words can't possibly say what it is like.

It also gives me the realization that you can not love me even if you logically decided to. However, one thing you could have done, and that was to give me some time. To get to know this person who felt that his life resided in you. And that one decision, that one choice you always had, have and will continue to have till we both are alive.

If you really sought something, and are letting it out either consciously or without knowing it, learn to respect it when you are presented with it. Denying it would be just living a lie.

I feel silly only for one reason: The first time I fell in love, I did not even tell the girl face to face once about it.

Be blessed my love (Given god exists) .

Give up on fear.

I was born.

I got love from all corners.

I grew into an idealist who believed that love is a universal thing. That it is about being grateful for existence and happy about the world as it is.

I woke up to the fact that there was another form of love. And I realized that as beautiful as it was, it could hurt.

And I could not understand how my loving her would make her life miserable.

Am I responsible is the question. Am I accountable ? And if I am at fault anywhere, it is just that I exist. Now since I believe that, I am still out here, seeking to find you. And you just fear everything.

Fear cant be the driver in our lives. It will only bring more fear. Test it out for yourself or open your mind and decide to be a free thinker yourself my love, it will help you for your entire life, I promise.

Defining the undefinable.

I will try to give my own interpretation here. And I will try to be as honest as I can be.Please bear with it.

Love: It is the world. It is all pervasive. Some gurus claim that it is the only truth. I do not claim to be great enough to truly understand what that means but I have had glimpses on the logical front, yes.

Romantic "Love": For me, it is a belief, that somebody, despite the imperfections; is the most beautiful person on earth. That person actually begins to seem like something beyond words, the mere mention of the name brings a smile to the face. The thought makes one's heart soar and for me, It seemed like she was my life. Still does.

Some of your answers.

Why does this moron think that he loves me?

Answer: I do not know for sure. I do not think I ever will.

What did he see in me that makes him remember me after all this time?

I saw a bit of simplicity, a little bit of a kid, a bit of color and a bit of loveliness. I just found you to be the person I would dream of spending a life with.

Why does this idiot keep bugging me?

Answer: Because I know (and not that I think so, I just know it) that If only, If only you get to know me for once.....you can not "not-love" me. It may be platonic, but that relationship would last a lifetime.

Why cant he just find another girl and "move on" ?

That is because I do not believing in "searching for" and finding love. I believe in letting things come to me. Going around trying to find love is like looking to buy stuff in a market. And I dont believe in treating people as a commodity.

What makes him so restless, like a kid?


I believe, that at our core, we are all kids. We just learn to act like "grown ups". However, what makes me sometimes go down a level below the usual levels would be the fact that I never asked your romantic response, and to be at the receiving end of what I have received despite that can do nothing about my lack of understanding about the truth behind your actions.

To me, for whatever stupid reasons I might be feeling so, you feel like something essential to supporting my life......something like Oxygen for the soul, and I would not mind dying even today, had it not been for those who love me more than themselves.

The internal thougt process of a disillusioned mind.

I just saw a friend who could have been so much more. And so much more you have become. I can not afford to presume things and destroy the "you" that I have come to know. I can not even afford to let the "offenses" (if any) to make my feelings towards you any bitter. However, I can not, and will not lose my self respect either.


There was a call which I am yet to return. I shall do the same in a few weeks. I shall prepare myself for anything that "whoever" might want to dish out, but I will not stand down from what I believe in. If it requires me to face any consequences, come what may.


I write this not as a challenge, but as a conviction I hold. I truly do not see much going back from what has happened now and I am not a rose spectacled moron, but its something that I will not have again in my life. It is the first time I am in love and I can only stand by my right to exist, perceive and feel.

However, anyone who can give me one "free" reason for being guilty, I am prepared to face any consequences. When I say free however, I talk about anything derogatory or hurtful or even manipulative that I might have done. And I know it for a fact that that is not the case. This post shall remain live only till I do not call back. So take any meanings out of it if you will.

PS: You know it.

किसी मोड़ पर फिर मुलाकात होगी

चरागों को आँखों में महफ़ूज़ रखना
बड़ी दूर तक रात ही रात होगी

मुसाफ़िर हैं हम भी मुसाफ़िर हो तुम भी 
किसी मोड़ पर फिर मुलाकात होगी .

I head for home

It has been some time since I have been home. The last time was January 1st,2010. Amma (Grandma) had passed away. It was strange how I had booked my tickets only two days ago. As If I was destined to be there on the day. Anyways, I must say this. I go back home this time with mixed feelings.

Had some of the recent things not happened, I would have told of "you" to my parents. I would have told them how much I felt for you what I had gone through. I would have, for I thought that the other side was "civil". Now the delusion is shattered. Just one word was enough. While I definitely will keep my end of the bargain by responding to the call on that number, I do not see any point in letting the family know, for It would only escalate things further.

Anyways, they would sense something is what I know. And I am not a great liar. So let us see how far can I take it.

PS: I just love you.

Momentary sunshine of a clueless mind.

There are colors limitless, unbound...
And the eerie silence's sound;
Work on I , all around,
Some things lost, something found.

For what maybe, I tend to sway,
Oblivious to the games people play;
I still love life, come what my way;
The autum noon, the burning may.

I take my my chances; to myself, true
Its okay, if it doesnt all come through
Forever in the know, that every moment is new
With one true faith: life gives whats due.

And on the road to the destiny divine,
It shall be truth that shall be mine
Times demand that I flex the spine,
For only then, the truth shall shine

And then I get the eerie feel
What may not seem that very real
For all the wit, application and zeal
May not, the soul, heal.

And then one may with some dismay
See some meaning in the pointless play
As the truth unravels with pain, as it may
That the path itself is the destiny, hey ! ;) .

Its amazing how you

Its amazing how you,
spake right to my haeart.

Without saying a word,
You would light up the dark.

Try as I may, I could never explain,
How I heard when you didn't say a thing.

The thought of your existence made me know that you're the only,
Was a truth in your thoughts, told that I'd never be lonely

The flick of a finger and you were gone ......

As if I never existed , as if having feelings for another human, another girl deserves punishment. Even if you yourself tell me that you took that decision, I would still know that you did not.

There are some things in life that we find out. However, there are some which we just know.

That I love you is one of them. That I know that your call would have been different is another. That you were seeking someone as stupid as me is the third.

That you would probably never read it is not one. I believe that one day, you would realize that it could have been a lot simpler and happier. The time is probably already over for me however, and that, despite having a sense of; I refuse to accept.

The coward (?) speaks.

I do not know if I actually am a coward. You intended to take me on on the phone, I did not respond immediately and promised to reply back and have not done so yet. I guess that does make me look like one. However, I will call you my fellow human. And while a part of me does want to revolt and swear back at you, but I will not.

I can not stop believing in what I know is right just because your social sensitivity is getting impacted. I love someone and that is reason enough for a human to talk to another. Infact it is the only reason. Anything that can refute that would be most welcome though. 

While she is sensitive and I understand that she might be upset because of all this, it will only make her stronger.

I wish her and you all the peace in the world. We shall talk soon.

My stance.

Talk about words, talk about human inability to look past choices they can not make, and talk about living with belief in one's values. Life sometimes tests us on our ability to stay true to our values.

I can but not be sorry for being myself.

I can but not be sorry for my feelings..

I can not be sorry for my beliefs. I have stuck to them, and look to do so for the rest of my life.


Somebody sometime talked about words and how they must be chosen wisely. Somebody else thinks that I can be "scared" into silence. It would take reason and emotions, fear would not silence me, I can promise on that count.

Talk about bad taste.

Today something happened which was inevitable. I have to respond, I will. But for now, I will be a little selfish and work on the ICICI Bank - Bank of Rajasthan Case that I must deliver by tomorrow evening. Any emotional overcharge could be catastrophic on the output.  I have already flunked two critical tests and can hardly afford any more goof-ups.

So if at all (whoever you were) you are reading this, kindly bear with me for a while. You have already done so for long enough, and I can not tell you how happy I am at the fact that the call came.

My stance however, still remains the same. I demand nothing but what I deserve. I do not see any wrong in expressing myself. I still believe in a lot of things, those things however have driven me to what I am at the moment and I can not be sorry for being myself.