Expressions.

I was just trying to imagine the kind of image that I would have in the eyes of her family members. I do not know how much they know, I do not expect them to be sympathetic though. I do not expect them to understand, most definitely not the brother, who is in the most sensitive position, considering his age and all. I presume that I must be being referred as the “lafanga” or the “loafer” or something of that sort…. I have seen the same being done to a guy by my mother’s family in her native place. I never quite understood why they started hateing that guy so much for loving my maasi (mother's sister). Just because he told that he loved her, he was suddenly a loafer and what not (and before that he used to be very close to our family.) So that is as hypocritical as people get. No surprise for me if the kind of adjectives would be being used for myself.

Again, for me, what matters most is that my conscience stays clear, and that it is. I am proud of myself and for the fact that I truly loved this girl and went ahead with the expression in the most plain possible way. I went on with the sentiments and all only later. I never wanted to manipulate or pressure or "trick" her into loving me and did not. I believed that she somehow was looking for this elusive idea of “true love”. Looking for the same myself, I just had to look to help both of us, right ?

I know that she will probably never read this. I imagine that she has probably been conditioned and "poisoned" against me enough that she would not care even one bit, but the fact remains that she remains obliged to respond to the questions that I have for her.

And these answers are not to be given as much through words as through deeds.
Questions: Why no response to my love ?
Questions: Why fear from love?
Question: Why run away from love?
Question: Why stop talking because I love you? Because I care for you more than the world (except my family members, off course).
Question: Why say “sorry” and not “thank you” ?
Question: Why say “bhool jaao” ?
Question: Why so serious ? :P (okay that was my way of being funny while imitating Heath Ledger)

Question: How much more love can you get in this world …. If for once, you face the fact that this guy from 2000 Kilometers away has travelled 10000 kilometers just for a word with you…just for a sight of you…just for a little sound from your vocal chord to hit his eardrums :P …. You would know that this is just what you might end up seeking for the rest of your life.

I have been with guys….thousands of them….and I hope I find someone soon who is worthy of loving you. I am sure I must not be, but none else has really matched my moral standards… but again, our moral standards may be different.

Maybe a more “Imran Khan” lookalike guy would suit you better….. but maybe looks would matter only for the first few months … and maybe he would still love you the way I would have…..may it happen….but better yet, May you realize what I am …and that I am here with my conscience intact.

I stand my ground when I say that I love you, and god willing, I shall one day come to your father for your hand, that is for sure.

May god (if it exists) grant me the strength for becoming capable enough.

May it grant me the strength to face my fears and sorrows, as and when I am faced with them.

May it keep you happy, and help you see me for what I am.

Amen.